


Balancing Act

by perryvic, Zaganthi (Caffiends)



Series: Desperate Tranquility [3]
Category: Red Dragon - Thomas Harris, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: kink_bingo, Emotion Play, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-18
Updated: 2011-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-22 18:58:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/241431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perryvic/pseuds/perryvic, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caffiends/pseuds/Zaganthi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knocked again, and there was a long wait, the sort of wait that made John wonder. And a hesitation -- he heard the step behind the door, and waited before it swung open. Will looked... okay, not like he'd aged a decade in four years like John felt, but not great. Angry and tense across the eyes -- the black eye stood out impressively.</p><p>"John. I shouldn't be surprised to see you."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Balancing Act

The world had gotten a little strange since Atlantis had touched down on Earth. Flooded about six city blocks in San Francisco from the wave of its landing, created a tidal wave without the tide that injured and possibly killed more people than John liked to think about. A lot of cults had gone ballistic, and the world had gotten just a little strange.

John figured Atlantis was never going back to Pegasus, now that the Department of Defense actually had hands on with it.

They'd tried to cover it up, but things had been a little too visible, there had been fighting in the atmosphere of Earth before Carson had done his rough and ready landing and once again John had managed to get himself effectively on a suicide mission which had been a definite near miss. Last time he had done that he hadn't been right again until he'd taken steps, and if anything this time he was worse. Word was out; he'd been bottled up as one of the big names practically under guard as declassification rushed through. It had felt like forever and every day he felt stranger and more desperate inside.

He'd needed to recant, reset his work, take a little control because he had none. They were going to being installing General O'Neill in over the place -- fuck the Colonels, and he knew that as an O5, he was extra screwed, though they might slide him through the O6 board -- and probably move the whole homeworld security command over to it or near it. It made John's head hurt.

He was a doer, not a staff guy, and staff was where he was going to end up.

His friends were pairing off around him and some of that was hard to deal with as well. Still he knew how to slip the net and he took himself almost hesitantly to Will's beach house the first weekend leave he had. He didn't even know if he lived there. He could have a permanent partner by now. It might be a waste of time and he would have to try and risk himself somewhere more public if he couldn't find him.

It'd been four years, after all. Still, when he pulled up the road, and saw the same old truck in the drive, he felt better. It gave him a little hope, while he parked his rental car on the street, hesitating before he approached the door.

If there was anyone who might understand it would be Will, but he couldn't presume too much. Still, same old truck, no other one there. No one who could see him go in as the light was going, fading into evening. He hesitated because it was going to require a lot to break him this time. He knew that. There had been experiences in the past, but the extremes that his mind generated to torture himself through his own repressed needs in the encounter with the Sekkari were worrying. He needed it, and with Will he even wanted it. There was a difference. He knocked on the door, wondering if Will still had his three-legged dog.

Or if he'd moved on to another three-legged dog.

He knocked again, and there was a long wait, the sort of wait that made John wonder. And a hesitation -- he heard the step behind the door, and waited before it swung open. Will looked... okay, not like he'd aged a decade in four years like John felt, but not great. Angry and tense across the eyes -- the black eye stood out impressively.

"John. I shouldn't be surprised to see you."

"I didn't even know if you would still be here," John replied looking at him. "You okay? If this is a bad time..."

It looked like Will didn't know what a good time was at the moment. That was a little alarming in itself.

"I'm uh..." Will closed his eyes for a moment. "I have no idea if I'm going to be any use to you today, but come in and have a beer. You drove down from San Francisco?" He stepped back, holding the door for John. John didn't see the three-legged dog, but he saw a young German shepherd who looked like he'd been dragged behind a truck for a while. "I picked him up outside of Yuma. He won't bite."

"Yeah," John replied. "I guess it's no use trying to pretend that didn't happen, is it?" He headed inside and petted the dog. "Hey guy..."

Maybe it was a case that Will needed something from him as much as he did from Will.

"Pretty much." Will closed the door, and headed to the fridge, no doubt grabbing a beer for himself. "It set off every crazy in the world. It's a bad time to be law enforcement. Every doomsday cult, every serial killer wannabe who thinks he has nothing to lose, every old serial killer, I swear they all got the itch at the same time."

Another thing to feel responsible for. John grimaced. "Shit, sorry, Will," he said feeling uncomfortable about that. "I guess that sort of reaction wasn't something we were expecting."

"Fifty-fifty," Will shrugged, his back still to John. "We still have a planet, which is good. Of course, if we were all dead, there'd be less batshit crazy. On the other hand, I wouldn't be getting phone calls from my exes."

"Exes?" John queried. Goddammit, he couldn't even save the planet right. Were the SGC even bothering to do anything about the fallout from all of this?

"My ex-wife thinks I'll have some inside line on this crap, so she hunts me down after fifteen years of nothing. The only thing I have the inside track to is guys who decide that your city making landfall is the signal to start hanging women old west style, and then raping them while they're still suffocating because the asshole can't even do a noose right." He turned around with both beers open, holding one out to John. "How're things in alien central?"

John shrugged. "Surprisingly few aliens out there. It was kinda... not intended to face plant in the ocean right there. Or even get here at all. I suppose that will be common knowledge soon enough. It's been...." Words failed him because it looked like the both of them were wound tight.

"Rough?" Will guessed, taking a long swig off of his beer. "I'll be honest. I'm in a really bad place right now and you probably don't want to put your life in my hands."

John exhaled a little. "Why do you say that?" Maybe Will hadn't been able to let it out recently, not properly. He couldn't think of anyone he trusted more with his body than Will for all they barely knew each other outside of their liaisons.

"The cases I've been working have left me a little off kilter. I can't really get them out of my head, and then my other ex calls, and...." Will exhaled. He made a 'tch' sound, and the young dog on the floor groused his way up to wobble and then sit at Will's feet. Will leaned forward to scratch the uninjured side of his head. "Good boy. It's a bad headspace."

"How do you usually come down from this sort of thing?" John asked. He needed it, he really needed it but Will needed something too and maybe he could give him that too somehow. Maybe there was a way for them to get what they wanted and what they needed.

It was a little strange to watch Will tilt his head, watching John. "Go completely off the rails, or just quietly break down. I spend a lot of time handling my own headspace day-to-day so it makes it very easy to look at other people's and work out what they need, you see."

John grimaced a little. "I guess offering to allow you to work on me wouldn't help then. I was kinda hoping I could help you like you've helped me. It's difficult to find someone I can trust as much as I do you."

Will took another long swig. "I'm game if you really mean that offer." It was probably hard for him to find someone to take him down -- while Will had said he was a switch, John had gotten the feeling that he topped most of the time.

"I mean it. I do things maybe a bit differently than you expect but I can get you into that space," John replied. He needed to shift the balance of Will's mind, to alter the state of his emotions. He could take responsibility for that -- and when he did it, he had a single-minded intensity about doing it that sometime scared people off. People couldn't handle him as a top because where he couldn't talk about emotions didn't mean he didn't feel them or see weak spots in someone he took responsibility for. His team was a good example of that.

What was left of his team. If they ever went out again, so he owed it to them if no one else to get his shit together. "So, you take me down a few notches, and I should be able to do what you need." One last swig of beer, and he gave the dog another couple of scratches behind the ear. "How much time do you have?"

"Weekend," John said. He hadn't even considered he would be staying that long, though last time he hung around in the morning and tried some body surfing, feeling the sting of salt in unusual places.

"Should work." Will set the bottle aside, watching John. Weighing whether it would work or not, though he was a nice guy about it. And he hadn't suggested to John that he might rip his guts out or anything else.

"So, uh, you got anything I shouldn't do?" John queried as he looked back at Will appraisingly. He needed to mix up Will's expectations if he was going to short circuit whatever self-destructive shit was going on in his head. He used the breaking, the overwhelming, for himself, but he had the impression Will knew all about that, knew the tricks, knew the patterns and would be resistant to it. It was probably why it was so hard to him, but John knew from his own experience that there were different ways to break someone. He'd volunteered on a mission to free his team by volunteering for the 'torment' figuring it would be something like what he chose to do. Instead, the 'tormentors' had set about trying to break him down with pleasure, control, teasing and denial. It wasn't as sharp and bright a breaking as he was used to but he had sunk into a mellowed haze where the world lost its sharpness for some time. Of course, Rodney assumed it was some hideous torture but then Rodney generally did assume that.

Rodney tended to assume everything was bamboo shoots under the fingernails, or Kolya.

"Kill me," Will deadpanned. "Other than that, no limits."

"Mm, okay. I'll try to avoid that," John contemplated. "You want to show me where you keep your stuff?" A person could tell a lot from someone's collection of kink related equipment -- what they liked, what they enjoyed. "Then we'll get to it."

"Sure. How about I leave you with it, give you some time to work out what you want to do?" Will stood up, offering to take John to where he kept his pretty expansive equipment set, from John's guess.

"That would be cool, then I could meet you back in your bedroom," John replied, nodding. He needed to get in the mindset as well, but that was where he lived right now. Being in charge, being the one to take the risks, to focus everything he had to a point where it became a blinding clarity.

Just a little longer before he could shake it off. Not bad at all. Will led the way down the hall, towards one of the doors that had always stayed closed. He cracked the door and then pushed it open. "Have at. I'll be in the bedroom."

John went in and had to suppress a low whistle. It was like a sex shop in there, with a surprising amount of restraints, toys and... wow, interesting memorabilia that were locked in a clear box. When he saw the name Lecter he realized they were more than just additional sex toys.

They were parts of his work from what he knew, and that meant... that meant a lot of what Will knew of subbing himself was to a serial killer. He definitely needed to shift that. It would have been about fear as much as anything else, and he needed to shift him into a different space.

Looking at the rest of the equipment John noticed a propensity for restraints and leather. He could oblige with that at least. Will was going to get completely immobilized, but comfortably so. He gathered some other items as well, but there was a lot there he reasoned he could come back for if he wanted.

Then, he went to join Will in his room.

There was a fearful submission, and then there was enjoyable submission, and John knew both of those pretty well.

Will was waiting for him -- not like any sub would, on his knees or with some preconceived notion of what John was going to do. It looked more like he'd just put on fresh bedding.

“Nice gear," John replied with a faint smirk as he put down the bits that he brought in. Yes, he was sure that Will would be thrown by an approach not based on fear but he needed to get him secure and controlled. John knew what that was like, the relief of being completely restrained meaning there was no pressure to control himself.

"Let's get you undressed," he said, his voice unconsciously dropping into his low intense register, stepping over to slide off the items of clothing Will was wearing.

"Anything else you need me to do?" Will was making helping motions while John undressed him, moving appropriately, unfastening his belt.

"No," John replied. "You're not going to have any responsibilities or requirements by the time I'm done with you." It was a promise not a threat and he made sure to touch Will possessively, enjoying the feel of touching warm flesh. "I don’t need anyone to call me sir or master to control someone. You can talk, react how you want, but you won't have to do anything but react." His fingers on Will's skin telegraphed his reaction.

Will liked that idea. His muscles tensed, twitched in reaction, but they went loose in places that John associated with fighting back. Core, hands. "That doesn't sound very threatening." He stepped out of his shoes, and let John pull his pants down.

"It's not always about threat," he murmured. He was slipping into his hyper-vigilant zone himself, noting everything from the rate of breathing to shifts in muscle, but with a different target than the enemy. His hands roamed over Will, exploring, looking for resistance and finding none. "On the bed."

He was going to put the restraints on him then tether him in a way that he would be literally unable to move no matter what he did. Yes, that would work, that would work and then he could make sure he had full access and he could break down that strange emotional mess in Will's mind. It didn't have to be about pain to be good, and while John liked the pain, there were a lot of ways to do things. A lot of ways to take a man apart, take him down. Will moved onto the bed, muscles loose, black eye now visibly matched by some bruises, almost scuffs of broken blood vessels flooding under skin. Fighting, though it was hard to guess if it was fighting at work or fighting for the sake of it.

The leather cuffs and restraints he had selected were comfortably padded on the inside and had enough D-rings to make them flexible. He fastened them on Will's wrists, and ankles and got him to spreadeagle as he methodically applied the basic leather.

Will closed his eyes, and exhaled like he was steeling himself, though his muscles didn't tense up. "The worst part is that if this was a misplaced trust, and I don't think it is, given what you've trusted me to do, I don't think I'd mind."

"Is that what you expect when you give yourself over?" John asked. Some of the leather straps were cosmetic and for the feel of leather on skin, pulling tight, creaking slightly when the body wanted to struggle. "Misplaced trust?"

Clips to the bed posts, tethers and straps to rings under the bed. Buckles pulling immovably tight and stopping even the joints from flexing. Yeah, it was good, the leather smelled good and Will was getting a subtle change to his expression.

He exhaled, and it felt like some of the tension was going out of his body. "Decades of it. The Air Force doesn't love you back, does it? Your people, the Department of Homeworld security. It doesn't love you back."

An element of truth lived in that but he couldn't lose his focus. "It's the team you look at for that," he murmured. There, there was a source of pain to rival his own. Will was far more empathic than he was, he wanted more, wanted to trust and never got it. They were more similar than he had thought. Will seemed so self-assured when he had seen him in the past. Now his emotions were... vulnerable somehow.

The tighter the restraints got, the more relaxed Will became. He took a moment to explore the difference in skin to leather, to skin over Will's abdomen. "I think I know how to break the hold in your head, Will," he said with complete assurance. "I'm going to do something to you I don't think you've experienced in this position."

"You might be surprised." No, he was still pretty sure about that, but he'd let Will feel assured.

John was still going to take his emotions apart, and he knew the sore points in his own issues. Prying at them with someone else could be easy. He couldn't put words to his own without tearing himself apart, but he could charm it out of others. "Mmm, how does that feel?" he asked as he tightened the last strap he had brought through. Will was very securely trussed with skin exposed between leather, his cock exposed, his ass exposed enough to play with.

He watched Will's muscles flex, strain, and find very little purchase. It was impressive, the way he masked any immediate reaction, just nodded at John. "Good. Solid."

"That's what I like to hear," John drawled. "Now for the fun part." Kissing was a good place to begin, he wanted him to trust again, shift him into a different frame of mind. Perhaps it was novel to Will to think that someone might do something just for him, to help him and not for themselves. He did have an ulterior motive in a way but he'd still do this for all Will had done to him. He started kissing Will with all the smoldering heat he could manage, pressing against him.

It started off like he was kissing a rock, which was a little disconcerting, but Will slowly started to unwind, started to respond. His lips parted, and he strained like he might be able to arch back against John.

He nibbled lightly on Will's lower lip, then started moving to lavish attention on his neck, his down his throat and collarbone. He might not be great with words but he was great with action. He would show Will there was a reason to settle, to let go. Tease him, get him to respond with his body because words were pretty good liars and John knew that personally. The language of skin was much simpler. With every kiss and taste he took, Will exhaled, shifted, tried to move and failed.

John smirked at him slightly. "I hope you're comfortable," he murmured against Will's skin. "I'm intending to keep going for some time." He needed to erode those mental barriers, one by one and that meant slow and sure. He sat back so he could slip off his own shirt then so the inequality wasn't quite as apparent.

Will exhaled, and stretched his fingers. It made John almost want to put mittens on his hand to stop that, just briefly. "I'm comfortable. But I'm curious what this is."

"What do you think it is?" John asked as he bent to continue his slow exploration. It would be interesting to see if he could work out if someone was doing something for him.

When John pressed a kiss close to but not on Will's left nipple, he exhaled. "Not sure. Prelude to a storm?"

Yeah, he knew about that expectation. "So, that's what you're used to, huh?" he asked lightly, rubbing over the other nipple with his fingers and feeling it pebble beneath his fingertips.

"Generally. It's not necessarily a bad thing." As John knew, it wasn't. It wasn’t when he could trust the other person there to know the difference between play lightening and real lightening.

"Has anyone just wanted to break you with pleasure?" he asked softly. He wanted to make those sharp uncontrolled edges smooth away, melt under his attention. He had all night and he could be patient.

"No." Will strained against the restraints again as if the idea bothered him on some level. Now he probably really did think it was a setup for much worse.

"Will..." He kissed him again. "It's okay. You can tell me if you don't like something. But I think you will." He was determined to do this, his gut telling him it was the right way to go.

"Right." Again with the steeling himself posture, but John was going to go with it, shift that tension and fear into something better, because Will was afraid of himself, of a lot of things.

He closed his mouth around a nipple and sucked, giving a little tug with his teeth and then licked. His hands started to roam carefully, creeping down towards Will's cock. He took his time, unhurried and thorough, covering every inch of skin available to him, coaxing Will to respond.

John didn't look at how long he'd been roaming, stroking, enjoying himself, just did it, just savored that Will's tense noises were relaxing, really relaxing, and he was starting to squirm and bite at his bottom lip.

He decided to tease him a little sucking his cock. Will had missed out on his skills in that area, and John had to admit he was pretty good at that. Then he'd start with the toys, a cock ring, a little light playing with one of the vibes. He was going for tantalizing rather than hard and violent. He teased the tip of Will's cock, and dropped his lips over the head, sucking a little and just watched. Watched Will's body tense and then relax, fighting the straps that John was very pleased with himself for placing. "Uhn, you did too damn good a job with this."

"That was the idea," John murmured, huffing warm air over the tip of his cock and then licking the underside of the shaft finding a vein to tongue carefully, then his balls, and nibbling on the flesh of Will's thighs where the skin could be seen through the straps.

Will smelled clean, like even through his wrecked state he'd spent a while in the shower. He shifted again, exhaled slowly. "Tie me up and suck me off? I like this..." He was still all bravado, though.

"I think I can manage to be a little more creative than that," John promised. He wanted Will nice and hard before he put a cock ring on him. It was easy to swallow him deep, and move and suck.

"I believe you. Just..." Just that felt really good, just he wanted to move and he couldn't, squirming hard enough that John could feel it in his mouth. John knew it, had been in that position himself and knew it could build a fiery desperation.

"Just relax. You're not going anywhere, and neither am I," John said reaching for the cock ring that had fallen off of the bed along with the slim vibe. "Y' know, it always surprised me how many alien races came up with similar sex stuff." Some of them good, some of them bad.

It dragged a funny bark of a laugh out of Will. "Similar to us, or similar to each other?" He was going to have to gag Will at some point, maybe, but for now it seemed almost conversational.

That was okay, it would be later when things got more intense that he would do that. "Both," John said. "Although there're a few surprises out there." Glowy floating squid tentacle sex for a start. He slid a ring over the erect cock, pulling it snug. "Better."

Will exhaled slowly, like he was trying to restrain himself. "I shouldn't be shocked. At either."

"Mmm, no. It's weird out there," he said with a low chuckle. He teased a little with his fingers, giving a few strokes to watch Will's reaction. He was learning his reaction and what he responded to before he really got down to business.

He wanted to turn Will's control inside out. He was good at control, at focusing, at responsibility, but how often did he give in to a different headspace? John wanted to have him moaning and begging. "Uhn. Hah, can't think of what to ask next."

"That's a good sign," John murmured, thinking that it was getting where he was going. Teasing Will into submission and a different mental state was a painstaking process. John could tell that he was suspicious of the pleasure as he roamed Will’s secured body inch by inch, gently coaxing pleasure from flesh. He did pinch and roll nipples almost as a form of reassurance that there could be something harder but he was trying to get those little quivers of arousal to smooth out Will’s mental state. Nothing like a huge rush of endorphins to manage that and John was intending to try and get the man literally shaking and begging for release. If that meant teasing him all night, and edging him until he was going to explode then that was what he intended to do.

He had the time, after all, and the patience.

The first sign that it was working was when Will stopped talking, when he stopped trying to pull John into conversation that grounded him at the same time. Words fell away into soft huffs of breath, almost moans.

Time for pushing it a little. Toys were something a person could develop a love-hate relationship with. A man could be broken into a quivering wreck of need by judicious application of a vibrator and a cock ring, and he fully intended to see if he could manage it, imagining what it felt like to have that buzz around already rock hard nipple, over his stomach, and vibrating on the very tip of a swollen cock. The buzz would travel all the way down, and applying it to the balls, he liked that. He liked the vulnerability of the cock in bondage; the parts of the self that were instinctively protected laid out for use or abuse or pleasurable torment. Ronon had once told him that Satedan soldiers sometimes had sessions of having to stand with their hands behind their heads while opposing teams tried to jack them off and they couldn't let it go, as a test of self-discipline. John wasn’t personally sure that the story hadn’t just been a ploy to make sure they tried it themselves but this was an even deeper control he was aiming for. John didn’t want Will to be controlling himself, but to have those elements of control taken from him. When and if he came, it wouldn’t be through self-denial. It would be because that was the time that he tormenter had chosen.

That had been the time John had chosen.

He took his time with each nipple, with his cock, keeping things varied, touches to his thighs and arms and legs and palms, lavishing attention on his mouth and chin and sides, ghosting touches over his bruises and scrapes until his body rocked for more and couldn't get it, until Will was starting to let loose unexpected moans, almost quiet sighs as he began to give in.

There was a nice sheen of sweat building up on Will’s skin, evidence of his efforts and still an attempt at controlling himself as John used the vibrator on the outside of his asshole. He could see Will trying to buck and the straps making it impossible. That was more like the level of sheer desperation he was envisaging but it he needed something to just tip the balance so he could really break him. Blindfold or gag? Which to do? He wanted to see Will’s eyes so he could judge how close he was to the edge, and the gag would give him that extra push under, reinforcing the idea that he couldn’t stop it happening. That John was going to do whatever he wanted and he couldn’t even protest.

Leaving the tip of the vibrator just pushed in an inch into Will’s ass, to stimulate in an unfulfilling way, John wandered off to go and fetch a gag, a drink of water and a bit more lube.

By the time he returned Will was looking a bit wild around the eyes.

That was nice, much better. "John..." No, he wasn't going to deal with pleas for reason or better judgment or anything of that sort. He was going to take that ability away from Will, and then he really could do anything he wanted to him.

Not that he wouldn't have already.

He offered him some of the water, the implication being he wasn’t going to be out of the restraints any time soon, and then said in a low intense voice, “I’m going to gag you now, Will. Doesn’t matter how hard you want it; you won’t get to do anything. I might let you come, but only if you let yourself go. You better settle in, because we can do this all night.” He smiled a little and then bent down to kiss Will with a soft firm touch of lip to lip, before manhandling the gag into Will’s mouth. It looked somehow pleasing stretching his lips, tight over the ball. Sounds were immediately muffled and John wondered if Will felt a shift that made things more intense. Immediately, his hyper-vigilance, still on the edge from standing down from combat, kicked in and he was noticing the dilation of pupils, the change in breathing, the way that hairs prickled up on Will’s body. It amazed him how profound a difference treatment of the body could affect the mind, especially doing what they did. It wasn’t just endorphins and chemicals; it was a manipulation of the mind and emotions that was profound and powerful. He knew. He’d experienced it.

Personally, and on the doling out end.

He heard Will complain and groan and moan against the ball gag, but even that trailed off once John settled in for another round of inflicting slow but intensifying pleasure.

Time to turn Will’s experience into a painful ecstasy. He moved the vibrator in, turning it to a low setting, remembering how Will had done that to him on their first encounter, and then he turned his attention to Will’s cock; with his mouth, with his hands, sliding and twisting, squeezing a little. Stopping when he could feel and see the tightening of Will’s cock and moving away to kiss other skin. And then back to sliding the vibrator in and out of his ass, looking to find the spot that made his eyes roll in his head and sounds grow muffled and desperate.

Like he was chewing on the ball, like every muscle in his body was singing at John to fuck him, to do more, to take what he wanted, except he wasn't really there yet. It hadn't been there long enough; he hadn't held Will to the point where he really broke through.

He had a long time to work on that, and he wasn't going to waste it. He lost track of time, trapped in the attention zone of focus. His own arousal was there, something strong but strangely untouchable because this wasn’t about him. It was a dissociative state that gave him that invulnerable feeling he sometimes got when he was trying to protect his team. The feeling that made him think he could take on a city of Genii alone, that he could trust a Wraith, that he could fly against two hive ships alone and win. It was calming for him in a different way, everything becoming patterns, and intuition sparking the way he knew where to touch in the same way he knew where to shoot, what might just spin the situation his way in life or death situations.

Edge to orgasm, back off. Edge again, back off... it was a never-ending dance and one wrong move would waste the whole purpose of the evening. How close was Will now? They were both hard and needing more, but he wasn’t going to let him have more until he knew Will had let go.

The question was, how would he know? There were no signs but his body, but his eyes, and John was taking a risk with whatever decision he made. If it wasn't enough then he wouldn't have accomplished what he needed to accomplish. He wouldn't be getting his own release a different time.

He persisted, over and over, deep into the night, stretching it out, murmuring whispers in Will's ear, not threats but promises of pleasure, and words that were somehow easier to say like this. He wasn't going to give up despite Will's phenomenal self-control. In the end, he found the line and pushed at it. There were the signs he was looking for, the frantic noises, the shaking and clenching muscles, the press upwards whenever his hand drifted above his skin. He wanted more than the teasing to the extent that need had blotted out whatever else had happened in his mind. He was going to slide into him and fuck him the rest of the way, give him something satisfying after all the teasing. He tried to think about whether it would achieve more if Will remained gagged, and imagined the relief of having the need to beg taken away. Yes, unable to stop, unable to bear any responsibility. That worked for him. He slipped out the vibrator but left the cock ring on, as he repositioned the ties on Will’s legs so they were up, but the straps took the weight.

Then he carefully pushed into him, into the height and warmth and tightness, and started to move. Slowly at first, slow and focused on position, wanting Will to feel bursts of pleasure at every angle he moved, as if there were explosion of need rippling through his body.

It was like watching the wake from a ship spreading out as it drifted slowly, except it echoed up Will's body with every thrust, left him loose and tense and squirming all at the same time, desperate for more but unable to do anything but be frantic and wanting. Just want, and all John was giving him was pleasure.

Slow was good, but slow followed by a relentless pounding that you couldn’t stop, wouldn’t stop if the fate of the world hung in the balance, was fantastic. He couldn’t let go completely because he was the one responsible and in charge, but he could take Will to that point. Thrust with all the power and force that brushing the edge of another suicide mission could lend to him as if that would force life into someone. Will was straining against the restraints, his moans desperate and instinctive.   
He wasn’t going to grandstand this, force Will to come. No, he reached down and pulled off the cock ring, and give a little pinch to Will’s cock so he would get a few strokes in before he exploded and then hit him with the hardest deepest thrusts he could manage and watched as all of his work culminated in Will's cock painting his stomach and chest with ropey splatters of semen, Will straining, trying to move with him, squeezing tight around John so there was nothing he could do but come.

John slowed, sprawling and breathing hard for a moment but that clarity of thought was still there. Will came first, those who were his responsibility came first and he didn't linger then when Will needed to be untied, and reassured. Will would need the closeness most of all and he shook off his own euphoria to see to that. The leather straps had left marks from the struggling, and he kissed Will, just before he removed the gag, reaching for the glass of water to give to Will as he unfastened everything.

He didn't say anything, just exhaled and drank, eyes half-closed, heavy. Exhausted, fucked out, and that was good. He'd give it a couple of minutes of comfort and closeness before he tried to gauge how far back Will was.

He wrapped himself around Will, hoping he'd read it right, hoping he hadn't fucked things up again somehow. He held him warm and close, thinking of all the times he'd wanted to do that with people of his team who were slipping away to their own lives, leaving him behind.

Maybe he needed to do that. Maybe he just needed to... reach out and try to make a life for himself. It wasn't going to happen from some magical wand waving, although in the SGC it would be just his fucking luck to run across planet Hogwarts.

Will's shaking was calming and he didn't seem to be resisting his presence or embrace. That was hopefully a good sign. He stroked his sweat damp hair and reach for something to clean Will off with. Anything, in that moment, was a relief, when Will was starting to wind down from what John had worked him through. "Huhn."

"Hey," John murmured, wiping him down a little. "Back with me then." Will had lost some of that sharpness around the edges, and that had to be good thing.

"Yeah. Wrung out as anything." He exhaled, sighing at nothing in particular. Probably just because it felt good to have his chest stretch.

"Kinda the idea," John murmured. Maybe it had achieved something, maybe not. He had tried but he was used to his best not always making the grade. "How's it feel?"

"Loose." He shrugged his shoulders slowly, but didn't move away from John. "Thanks."

Loose didn't tell him a whole lot and Will was a bit of a mystery to him in a lot of ways and an open book in others. He did have a slightly stunned expression but John wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing. "You were beautiful," he said softly, knowing it would be easy for him to slip into the same sort of obsession he had with his team with this man. He didn't think it had any stability at all except that when he showed up, Will was there. Will was findable, even if it was just every couple of years.

"Not the words I'd use." His words sounded like they had a laugh in them, and that was a relief.

He had done something. Laughter hadn't been in Will's tone before, and now it sounded lighter. "You know, people who know me would never believe I'd described someone like that either," he admitted. "But it's true. If you'd seen yourself..."

Will probably didn't get compliments like that a lot, but John was going to share. He'd managed to tip the emotional balance in his favor and he wanted it to stay that way. Help keep Will together a little better, because it felt half responsible for the insanity that had followed the city's landing. "Good thing I couldn't. That felt amazing."

"No one’s ever done that to you before?" he asked relaxing a little himself. He couldn't shed the hyper-vigilance and obsessive concern and wouldn't until someone could take him down, but that seemed a natural enough question. He just wanted to know.

"No. It was... novel." He shifted a hand, finally touching John's skin like he could feel it. "I've never done that."

John grinned. "It has its moments," he said. "Had it happen as a first contact once. Actually it was amazing how many sexual variants of first contact rituals there are."

Will stretched a little, one hand roaming. "Why don't you tell me a couple of the rituals? It might inspire me for tomorrow."

With that, John knew he had accomplished what he had set out to do; settle Will's mind, turn his emotions to something more healthy and in the process secure himself the promise that he needed to let go of his own hyper-vigilant state. As he smiled back and tried to think of ideas to share, he smiled. Relief was at hand and he could wait one more day, especially when he could tell he had done some good.

That counted for a lot in his book, if not everything.


End file.
